Monday, March 10, 2008
I {usually} Heart Target
I usually love love love Target. Today? Not so much. I went on my lunch break to the Preppy Target around the corner from the Employment Palace because Hubbs and I went to the one in Regular Joeville yesterday to get birthday cards for both our Madre's and I suckered him into getting some new jeans. Because? All of his could be denominational with all the holes. After he tried them on, he was pretty much tiffed. He thought it was going to be a quick "in and out" trip. HAHAHAHA! Yeah, right. It turned out to be a shorter-than-I-would-have-liked trip, thus the lunch time mad dash to the Preppy one. I got there, scoped out the women's section and took 8 items to the dressing room. NONE OF THEM FITTED ME RIGHT. NONE. I really liked those $4 tee shirts and that cutesy skirt. Dammit. I found a fabulous sail boat bikini to try on. Get your harpoons out! Can we say "beached whale" or "marooned boat"?? I had a hard time concentrating on it's cuteness when all I could see was a ripple of back fat and a pouchy stomach that looked like a swollen Ethiopian child's. And can we mention my GINORMOUS thighs and the rest of my pastey white body? Uh.. YUCK. The first order of business is to find a tanning bed, stat. Everyone knows the darker you are, the thinner you look. Second order of business? Finding me a sugar daddy that can afford me some lipo. It's not a pretty sight y'all. When I met Hubbs, I was a confident, perky size 4. Now, 4 years later, I'm a pissy size 12/14. I like Jen Lancaster's advice: "Weight Watchers can kiss the fattest part of my ass." I laughed hysterically. Until I realized that it may take Weight Watchers to get some of the ass off me. Don't get me wrong.. I am LOVIN' my boo-taay. But the rest of me has GOT. TO. GO. I can deal with the stomach. I can't deal with the Mack Truck thighs and the swishing noise that comes with it. Eww. Like Hateful Bitch (whose blog name I LOVE!), I want to drop some poundage without changing my diet. Me? I love veggies, but I'm not big on fruit. I'm a meat and taters girl, through and through. I have an office job with moderate movement throughout the day (to my smoke breaks.. HA!) but virtually no exercise when I get home, except cleaning and taking the dog out to whiz. I'm thinking of taking the devil dog to the new walking trail down by the casa and taking my daily frustrations out on it. We'll see how long that lasts. I can always try again tomorrow as far as the diet goes. Today's Bojangle's lunch and my pizza dinner just can't wait.
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4 comments:
I hate the moment when you have to come out of winter hibernation, where you've been wearing long pants and sweatshirts, to squeeze into a bikini under track lighting in a small cubicle. I too am very pasty and chubby after the winter. The tanning bed helps, but so does applying a little bit more self tanner on the sides of your legs and torso, for a slimming effect. I cut every corner that I can.
Oh I am so with you! I have to pick up a bridesmaid's {shudder} dress and then get it altered by April. I keep thinking I'll wait until I drop a few pounds but since I've changed NOTHING (lack of exercise, etc.) I'm not sure that it's going to happen.
And I just want to know why the hell not. Why can't wishing the pounds away just work for once?
I just did a Target run tonight. I went to get a bottle of spray detangler for my son's bed head and walked out $130 poorer, ladened with a new carseat for my mom's car, a pair of earrings, and Scattergories.
Target sucketh the soul and dollars from me.
Lets just get it out of the way first by me saying I'd kill to be back in a 12/14.
But seriously though, I've been going to the gym since the first week of January and have lost 15 pounds, but it feels more like 25. I've been trying to watch what I eat, but not really dieting. Sounds like a good workout routine might do the trick for you.
Hell, if I can do it anyone can!
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