The Blah Blog and Phrases from the South

Internets, I apologize for my recent lack of blogging. I've been in a bit of a funk lately and while I have been enjoying reading all of you, I have not wanted to spread my funkiness. That being said, this post is going to be all over the place. I have all these thoughts running around and I just know you want me to share. I will oblige you. Please be warned that all my years of English, Literature, and Grammar training are going out the window on this one.

This weekend I got a tick bite. Two tick bites actually and I pulled both ticks off with a pair of tweezers. After the fact, I found out that you're not supposed to do that. Well, pardon me, but I just get the heebie jeebies when something is crawling on my body and sinking it's teeth into my flesh. The HEEBIE JEEBIES! Monday morning I wake up and there are five (5!) bites on my leg and lo and behold the smallest one (the one I pulled off with the tweezers) looks infected. Now my parental units are freaking out at the prospect that I might have Lyme Disease. So I have made the proper doctor's appointment and I ask you to please pray to the god of outdoorsiness that I don't die of Lyme Disease that came from a tick that was no bigger than the head of a pin. HEEBIE JEEBIES!

I would like each of you to telepathically send me some energy. Please. Zap it from your kids (oh, you know you wish you could) and send to me like yesterday. I am D R A G G I N G. I have NO motivation. I have NO energy. I DO want to sleep alot. And eat. Yes, eat ALOT. But not much else. I just feel so BLAH. I do, however, have a pretty little bottle of Prozac. But, I just keep debating if I should partake. I mean, it might be just this stupid tick bite. On the other hand... I do so hate still living with the mother-in-law and knowing that we only have a week till we move out only makes it worse. I tell you internets, it can not come SOON ENOUGH. I could get into a story about some gravy and some Concord grape jelly, but really I've already hashed this out with my dad and it does sound pretty pathetic. Even for me. Let's just say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and leave it at that. I want to move, like yesterday.

I'm skipping Weight Watchers until after all this moving business is done. Go ahead stone me now. Okay. My heart's not in it right now and like my Aunt-in-law (who I LURVE) says, "You have to get your mind right." So true, so true. My mind is on moving and not strangling certain folks before I do so. The WW thing is also sort of depressing because I've only lost .6 of a pound and even though AndreAnna has told me "It's still a loss!", I'm not feeling very loser-like. I'm feeling very fat-like and very hungry. So a couple of days of self-destructive behavior later (and some really good mexican food) I blew a few days of dieting all to hell. Or, my favorite southern saying, "It all went to hell in a handbasket." Or, "I ate that quesadilla like it was my job." I do love being from the South.

So, enough wallowing. Be sure to shower me with compliments er, I mean comments, because I need some lurve like yesterday. (And yes I am aware of how many times I've said "like yesterday." I warned you that all my schoolin' was goin' out the window. But mainly, it's for shits and giggles.) I'll leave you with more Phrases from the South. Enjoy!

• Purty as a speckled puppy in a little red wagon. This is VERY pretty y'all.
• Hotter than a whore in church. Our weather in the South is a bit humid, so this is HAWTE.
• Cold as a witch's tit. or Cold as balls. Either way, it's cold.
• Damn it all to hell. It's been a bad day.
• What in the Sam Hell... What the bejeezus is going on??
• Where you at? We don't simply phone and ask, "Honey, where are you?" This takes less time.
• I'll be all over her like stink on shit. I think this one is self-explanatory.
• It's on like Donkey Kong. Somethin' is about to go down.
• You already know that Lunch is Dinner and Dinner is Supper.
• Contrary to belief, every beverage is not a Coke or a Co' Cola. We southerners do NOT say "Pop". We say, "Can you hand me a drank? or Can you hand me a coldbeer? Not a beer, or a cold one. A Coldbeer. One word, and string out the cold. Cooolldbeer.
• "I can smell it. A drunk front's blowin' in." We is getting drunk tonight, y'all, off some coldbeer.
• Down here, we don't talk about nobody's mama or kin. You can get a whoopin' like that.
• We give directions by community landmarks, not road names.
• We have to give our family history when we meet someone. "You kinned to the So&So's from Backwards Creek?"
• We lurve grits. Don't ask what they are, just eat'em.
• We only eat red hot dogs. Also referred to as "Carolina Packers" "Brightleafs" or "Red'n's"
• Like Kenny (Chesney) said, "We learned in Sunday school who made the sun shine through. I knew who made the moonshine too..." And his name was Percy Flowers.
• We girls like to dress up, but we also like playin' in the mud. The muddier, the better.
• Famous last words, "Hey y'all! Watch 'is!"