Monday, April 14, 2008
When is enough, enough?
For all you internets with youngin's out there, I ask you: When do you stop doing for your chil'rens? When do they get to live their life the way they want? When do the mom's stop trying to take over and run the show? I'm almost 25 and I want to know when my mom is going to hand over the reins and start letting me call my own shots without questioning my judgement and fighting me on every minute detail of my life. I mean, really? I'm sick of it. I'm not 12. I don't have trust issues with my parents. Yes, I have made some bad decisions, but haven't we all? Isn't the purpose of mistakes, to learn from them? And really? I have. It's been a slow and painful process, but oh, how I've learned. So when do I get to be "the good girl" again? When can I be left to my own devices? I'm independent. If I need help, I'll ask. But when will you quit chomping at the bit to help, and then throw numerous guilt trips on me until I cave? Because it's really gettin' old. This is why I don't come over so much. This is why I don't call. I don't need lectures, I don't need your help, I don't need to be babied. I need space to live my own life without feeling smothered by you. Can you do that? Can I tell you that without hurting your feelings?? Can you be my friend now, and not my mother? I think my "need to be mothered" days are over. I still need you, yes. I don't need you 24/7, and I know that's hard for you to understand seeing as how I'm your only kid. But really, it's so much more wonderful for the both of us when you stand behind me and back my decisions whether you think they're right or not. Can you just believe in me? Can you just be proud of me for once? Can you just let me be?
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5 comments:
From my experience (and I have one year on you) parents are never going to really let us take over. While we are in charge of our own decisions, they still feel the need to put their two cents in, even way after the fact. Maybe just so they can have yet another opportunity to say "I told ya so..."?
On a sentimental level tho, I'd rather have parents who care too much than parents who didn't care at all.
As a mom myself, I know how hard it will be to let go. But I also know that letting go is a true sign of love and pride - but it is hard to come by no matter how much they love you. It's just because they care.
That being said, I never had parents who were overly involved. I led my own life fro, very early and maybe because of this, I made all the right decisions.
At 25, I was married with a new baby. Gah.
It comes with time. And gentle reminders that you are capable. I moved 3000 miles away, and we used to talk every week, then every month, now, 13 years later, rarely. It's not bad, they're not angry, it's just that time takes time and so does letting go.
My issue with Mom was she has a lot of money and began to feel we kids (I have a brother and sister) were only interested in her for her money so she withdrew. I made it clear from very early that I was married and on my own now and I did not want her money. Her love, yes. I've stuck to that and I have not asked for one penny from her. Sure I'll ask for homesick things like cinnamon sweets or Boston baked beans (Beans in the UK are always tomato sauce - YUK!) or a special lotion I can't get here, and she's happy to do that. She now comes and vacations here once a year.
Maybe it's a matter of a little rejection, gently done with love, will give the space needed to find new clarity. I don't think any parent would be mad to hear "This is something we want to do ourselves, but I appreciate your offer."
But darling, your Mother is never your Friend. She's Mom. What does she have in her life now that could pull her needs a bit off of you, and onto something else? Could she be having a bit of Empty Nest syndrome?
Weeeel ... never, actually. That's one of the perks to BEING a parent.
You'd think it would lessen once you HAVE a kid, but no. Then they question every decision you make about your own kid (and judge you. And think you are wrong.)
So sorry that she's annoying you ... perhaps it means she cares?
Ok so it sucks that you can't seem to cut the string so that it stays cut. They have a serious magic potion that puts that shit back together, I swear.
However, my mom quit trying to butt in so much when I quit letting her give her opinion freely. She knows she's allowed to get it but more than likely she's gettin' one back.
And by the way, it's always so nice to see that Snappy has visited me and left me comment luv!
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