Christmas Underwear in May and a John Grisham novel

Okay, it's official. I'm not going to die an untimely death from Lyme's Disease. Whew! That was a close one! It turns out that you're not supposed to put Neosporin on a tick bite, which I may or may not have done, and that apparently, I'm allergic to Neosporin. I've been using this stuff for years. YEARS. And it's never affected me in any way. Until now. I'm glad that was all cleared up. There is nothing more humbling than lying on your stomach in your underwear in a doctor's office while she takes sharp objects and pokes around in a tick bite to "make sure you got the head and everything out." To top it all off, I was wearing my Christmas underwear. It's May. No, I don't like Christmas Just-that-much. I just got new draws for Christmas and like 3 pair just happened to be Christmas-y. At least I remembered to shave my legs, yo. You never know when you'll be at the doctor's office and they'll tell you to "Drop'em." I like to be prepared. So now that I'm done fearing every bug bite disease listed on Webmd.com, I've been pretty productive for a procrastinator. The goodie boxes got shipped. I've been packing up our room at the MIL's. I enlisted the help of my parents to help get my new kitchen situated. Hubbs and I got everything out of our two storage units and moved it all to the new house (in less than 2 hours!!). I have to finish moving boxes from MIL's to the new house today, drop off library books, check the mail box, call the landlord about the broken dishwasher, distribute Hubbs' paycheck to the appropriate outlets (read: bills), and unpack more stuff. I also have to go buy a trash can, Q-tips, a new razor, and shower curtain rings. Then I have to go to Ma Dukes' house and raid her linen closet for curtains and bath mats. I do believe it's gonna be a busy weekend, and it hasn't even started yet! I just got finished reading John Grisham's The Appeal. Oh, it was good! But the ending sucked. I was disappointed to say the least. But overall, the book was awesome. Now I have to work my way through the massive pile (20) of books I may or may not have ordered online from the library. And I may or may not have forgotten that they send them as they come in and not just hold a couple at a time so you'll have adequate time to read what you have. Sadly, I have to send some back after scanning the first two chapters and deciding that they are not worthy of my time at the present moment. I probably would not have this problem if not for my Padre bringing home books like The Appeal (when he knows I'm a die-hard Grisham fan) and other assortments of books from the auction he and Ma Dukes regularly attend. Seriously? The Appeal is still in hardback and is close to $25-$30 in stores and they got it for $2. Two Bucks!! This has thus interrupted my library time. Those books need love too. I just hope I don't lose any in the move!

The Blah Blog and Phrases from the South

Internets, I apologize for my recent lack of blogging. I've been in a bit of a funk lately and while I have been enjoying reading all of you, I have not wanted to spread my funkiness. That being said, this post is going to be all over the place. I have all these thoughts running around and I just know you want me to share. I will oblige you. Please be warned that all my years of English, Literature, and Grammar training are going out the window on this one.

This weekend I got a tick bite. Two tick bites actually and I pulled both ticks off with a pair of tweezers. After the fact, I found out that you're not supposed to do that. Well, pardon me, but I just get the heebie jeebies when something is crawling on my body and sinking it's teeth into my flesh. The HEEBIE JEEBIES! Monday morning I wake up and there are five (5!) bites on my leg and lo and behold the smallest one (the one I pulled off with the tweezers) looks infected. Now my parental units are freaking out at the prospect that I might have Lyme Disease. So I have made the proper doctor's appointment and I ask you to please pray to the god of outdoorsiness that I don't die of Lyme Disease that came from a tick that was no bigger than the head of a pin. HEEBIE JEEBIES!

I would like each of you to telepathically send me some energy. Please. Zap it from your kids (oh, you know you wish you could) and send to me like yesterday. I am D R A G G I N G. I have NO motivation. I have NO energy. I DO want to sleep alot. And eat. Yes, eat ALOT. But not much else. I just feel so BLAH. I do, however, have a pretty little bottle of Prozac. But, I just keep debating if I should partake. I mean, it might be just this stupid tick bite. On the other hand... I do so hate still living with the mother-in-law and knowing that we only have a week till we move out only makes it worse. I tell you internets, it can not come SOON ENOUGH. I could get into a story about some gravy and some Concord grape jelly, but really I've already hashed this out with my dad and it does sound pretty pathetic. Even for me. Let's just say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and leave it at that. I want to move, like yesterday.

I'm skipping Weight Watchers until after all this moving business is done. Go ahead stone me now. Okay. My heart's not in it right now and like my Aunt-in-law (who I LURVE) says, "You have to get your mind right." So true, so true. My mind is on moving and not strangling certain folks before I do so. The WW thing is also sort of depressing because I've only lost .6 of a pound and even though AndreAnna has told me "It's still a loss!", I'm not feeling very loser-like. I'm feeling very fat-like and very hungry. So a couple of days of self-destructive behavior later (and some really good mexican food) I blew a few days of dieting all to hell. Or, my favorite southern saying, "It all went to hell in a handbasket." Or, "I ate that quesadilla like it was my job." I do love being from the South.

So, enough wallowing. Be sure to shower me with compliments er, I mean comments, because I need some lurve like yesterday. (And yes I am aware of how many times I've said "like yesterday." I warned you that all my schoolin' was goin' out the window. But mainly, it's for shits and giggles.) I'll leave you with more Phrases from the South. Enjoy!

• Purty as a speckled puppy in a little red wagon. This is VERY pretty y'all.
• Hotter than a whore in church. Our weather in the South is a bit humid, so this is HAWTE.
• Cold as a witch's tit. or Cold as balls. Either way, it's cold.
• Damn it all to hell. It's been a bad day.
• What in the Sam Hell... What the bejeezus is going on??
• Where you at? We don't simply phone and ask, "Honey, where are you?" This takes less time.
• I'll be all over her like stink on shit. I think this one is self-explanatory.
• It's on like Donkey Kong. Somethin' is about to go down.
• You already know that Lunch is Dinner and Dinner is Supper.
• Contrary to belief, every beverage is not a Coke or a Co' Cola. We southerners do NOT say "Pop". We say, "Can you hand me a drank? or Can you hand me a coldbeer? Not a beer, or a cold one. A Coldbeer. One word, and string out the cold. Cooolldbeer.
• "I can smell it. A drunk front's blowin' in." We is getting drunk tonight, y'all, off some coldbeer.
• Down here, we don't talk about nobody's mama or kin. You can get a whoopin' like that.
• We give directions by community landmarks, not road names.
• We have to give our family history when we meet someone. "You kinned to the So&So's from Backwards Creek?"
• We lurve grits. Don't ask what they are, just eat'em.
• We only eat red hot dogs. Also referred to as "Carolina Packers" "Brightleafs" or "Red'n's"
• Like Kenny (Chesney) said, "We learned in Sunday school who made the sun shine through. I knew who made the moonshine too..." And his name was Percy Flowers.
• We girls like to dress up, but we also like playin' in the mud. The muddier, the better.
• Famous last words, "Hey y'all! Watch 'is!"

SO Totally Random

Can I just say that I Hate! going to the post office for anything other than to check my box? Yesterday, I took off work early to go pick up a certified letter. I rushed to get there and surprise, surprise, everybody and their brother was in line for something or another. Here's a pop-quiz for ya: Which of the following made me more annoyed by the minute? Was it the lady in line talking so loud on her cell phone that people from 3 counties away could hear her? Was it the lady in front of me who was engaged in cooing and baby talk to an infant in front of her ("She's so CUTESY WOOSTY YES SHE IS!".. *gag*)? Or, was it the fact that none of the postal workers were in a great hurry? If you answered "D", all of the above, then you'd be correct!

For all parties concerned (thanks!), I still have not gone to the doctor yet. It's just been a small matter of this tiny thing called insurance, of which I don't have any at this time. And actually, I think I just may be a hypochondriac, because I have not experienced any symptoms as of late. Also? I don't need to go pay a copay of $30 to hear my doctor say, "Here, I wrote it down for you. Go look it up on WebMd.", which she so totally does! It's like, "Here's what's ailin' ya, go do your own research 'cause you're obviously not satisfied with the answer I've given ya, and at least if I write it down you'll search it correctly instead of callin' back tomorrow." She's SOO right! So as soon as I get me some of that there new fangled insurance, I'll be happily on my way to get a few things checked out. Namely, my ears. I get MEGA sinus headaches when the weather starts getting funky (hot to cold, cold to hot) and my ears, they be hurtin'. I feel like they're stopped up and just plain achy. Now, I will admit, I am a complete 'shwa (as in Poo-shwa, code for a not so nice word of a lady's anatomy, and being from the south, honey I just don't use that word along with the C-bomb) when it comes to my ears. If my ears hurt enough for me to lose sleep, guess what? You're gonna lose sleep too, because I'm gonna be all whiny and cryin' if it comes to that. And guess what else? Someone {*cough* Hubbs} is gonna have to rub my hair until I go to sleep, if you ever intend on sleeping, that is. And also, I accidently on purpose stuck a bobby pin in my right ear when I was in college to get some wax out and to scratch the inside of my ear, and that caused me to rupture my ear drum, which hurt like a real mutha. I incurred a slight loss of hearing due to that incident. Oh, but I have so many intelligent stories I could tell...

Second order of doctor business is to get my yearly physical out of the way. Because, really? Unless you're Hubbs, I don't really want you down there. And also, when you are down there, it makes me really uncomfortable when you try to strike up a conversation. That is not a time in which you need to talk to me. Plus, I need some birth control pills. I have not been on birth control in almost 4 years, and next year we're planning on tryin' for a little one. Sounds kinda dumb, huh? Well, unless my monthly friend improves dramatically, I'm gonna be all about the pill.

So, now all that doctor business is all wrapped up, on to more amusing things. Namely, my Hubbs. I'll leave you with some of his most hilarious quips!

*Don't trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and lives. (passed on by his alcoholic father)
*I'm gonna get you a bumper sticker that says "My other car is a broom"
*Look at the shitter on that critter.
*I am a sexy beast. I am Man-tastic.
*(His explanation for when he's sick, my husband the mechanic says..) "Man, I was up all night. I think I blew a rear main seal.

Bless his little heart, y'all. No wonder I married him.