Makes a girl feel down right good about herself!

Today I decided to treat myself to the best. lunch. evah! at Panera Bread. And I swear from the parking lot to the door I got all kinds of stares. From men in suits to little teenage kids. My first thought was: "Oh no! I didn't get all the sugar off that powdered donut off me!" My second thought was: "Oh no! I forgot to zip my fly {AGAIN}! (I do this alot!)! I willed myself not to think about what was all over my face or not zipped until I got back to the car. I checked myself out in the sun's reflection and realized that I had NOTHING on my face and my fly was TOTALLY zipped. I didn't have anything in my teeth and I didn't sit in poo. So my only conclusion is: I must be LOOKIN' GOOD today!

Also? I have come to the conclusion that, since I gained about 40 lbs. since marriage, even if I gain 40 MORE pounds {oh dear God forbid upon everything so sacred and holy}, my ass will always look FABULOUS. Thank you clothing Gods for Express Jeans and American Eagle; for you ALWAYS make my [fat] ass look bootylicious.

The Blah Blog and Phrases from the South

Internets, I apologize for my recent lack of blogging. I've been in a bit of a funk lately and while I have been enjoying reading all of you, I have not wanted to spread my funkiness. That being said, this post is going to be all over the place. I have all these thoughts running around and I just know you want me to share. I will oblige you. Please be warned that all my years of English, Literature, and Grammar training are going out the window on this one.

This weekend I got a tick bite. Two tick bites actually and I pulled both ticks off with a pair of tweezers. After the fact, I found out that you're not supposed to do that. Well, pardon me, but I just get the heebie jeebies when something is crawling on my body and sinking it's teeth into my flesh. The HEEBIE JEEBIES! Monday morning I wake up and there are five (5!) bites on my leg and lo and behold the smallest one (the one I pulled off with the tweezers) looks infected. Now my parental units are freaking out at the prospect that I might have Lyme Disease. So I have made the proper doctor's appointment and I ask you to please pray to the god of outdoorsiness that I don't die of Lyme Disease that came from a tick that was no bigger than the head of a pin. HEEBIE JEEBIES!

I would like each of you to telepathically send me some energy. Please. Zap it from your kids (oh, you know you wish you could) and send to me like yesterday. I am D R A G G I N G. I have NO motivation. I have NO energy. I DO want to sleep alot. And eat. Yes, eat ALOT. But not much else. I just feel so BLAH. I do, however, have a pretty little bottle of Prozac. But, I just keep debating if I should partake. I mean, it might be just this stupid tick bite. On the other hand... I do so hate still living with the mother-in-law and knowing that we only have a week till we move out only makes it worse. I tell you internets, it can not come SOON ENOUGH. I could get into a story about some gravy and some Concord grape jelly, but really I've already hashed this out with my dad and it does sound pretty pathetic. Even for me. Let's just say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and leave it at that. I want to move, like yesterday.

I'm skipping Weight Watchers until after all this moving business is done. Go ahead stone me now. Okay. My heart's not in it right now and like my Aunt-in-law (who I LURVE) says, "You have to get your mind right." So true, so true. My mind is on moving and not strangling certain folks before I do so. The WW thing is also sort of depressing because I've only lost .6 of a pound and even though AndreAnna has told me "It's still a loss!", I'm not feeling very loser-like. I'm feeling very fat-like and very hungry. So a couple of days of self-destructive behavior later (and some really good mexican food) I blew a few days of dieting all to hell. Or, my favorite southern saying, "It all went to hell in a handbasket." Or, "I ate that quesadilla like it was my job." I do love being from the South.

So, enough wallowing. Be sure to shower me with compliments er, I mean comments, because I need some lurve like yesterday. (And yes I am aware of how many times I've said "like yesterday." I warned you that all my schoolin' was goin' out the window. But mainly, it's for shits and giggles.) I'll leave you with more Phrases from the South. Enjoy!

• Purty as a speckled puppy in a little red wagon. This is VERY pretty y'all.
• Hotter than a whore in church. Our weather in the South is a bit humid, so this is HAWTE.
• Cold as a witch's tit. or Cold as balls. Either way, it's cold.
• Damn it all to hell. It's been a bad day.
• What in the Sam Hell... What the bejeezus is going on??
• Where you at? We don't simply phone and ask, "Honey, where are you?" This takes less time.
• I'll be all over her like stink on shit. I think this one is self-explanatory.
• It's on like Donkey Kong. Somethin' is about to go down.
• You already know that Lunch is Dinner and Dinner is Supper.
• Contrary to belief, every beverage is not a Coke or a Co' Cola. We southerners do NOT say "Pop". We say, "Can you hand me a drank? or Can you hand me a coldbeer? Not a beer, or a cold one. A Coldbeer. One word, and string out the cold. Cooolldbeer.
• "I can smell it. A drunk front's blowin' in." We is getting drunk tonight, y'all, off some coldbeer.
• Down here, we don't talk about nobody's mama or kin. You can get a whoopin' like that.
• We give directions by community landmarks, not road names.
• We have to give our family history when we meet someone. "You kinned to the So&So's from Backwards Creek?"
• We lurve grits. Don't ask what they are, just eat'em.
• We only eat red hot dogs. Also referred to as "Carolina Packers" "Brightleafs" or "Red'n's"
• Like Kenny (Chesney) said, "We learned in Sunday school who made the sun shine through. I knew who made the moonshine too..." And his name was Percy Flowers.
• We girls like to dress up, but we also like playin' in the mud. The muddier, the better.
• Famous last words, "Hey y'all! Watch 'is!"

As you were..

Because the last few posts have been a tad bit bitchy whiny, I thought it best to move on to more happier, funnier and wittier things. So I'm stealing this Meme from the BadgerGirl...

1. What is your occupation? Officially? Accounts Payable/Receivable. Unofficially? Caretaker, accountant, cleaning crew, dog trainer, husband feeder.
2. What color are your socks right now? Pink and white striped
3. What are you listening to right now? Blondie
4. What is the last thing you ate? handfuls of AppleJacks cereal
5. Can you drive stick shift? Does taking 30 minutes to get into/out of first gear count?
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? pink
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Hubbs
8. What’s your favorite yoga pose? the plank
9. How old are you today? 24
10. Favorite drink? Coke, Tom Collins, Midori Sours, Miller Lite, Chocolate milk on ice, Mocha lattes, apple juice, lemonade, AppleCherryBerry juice.. i love beverages.
11. What is your favorite sport to watch? Red Sox baseball or Carolina basketball
12. Have you ever dyed your hair? I dyed highlighted my hair "Rockstar Red" one time. Yeah..It came out "Rockstar Pink". I loved my pink hair!
13. Pets? One.
14. Favorite cake? German chocolate cake or Pineapple cake.
15. Last movie you saw? The Break-up.
16. Favorite day of the year? Thanksgiving... and my birthday.
17. How do you vent anger? Write, throw things, talk about it, yell, slam doors, yell loudly, break things, cry.. you know, the normal stuff.
18. What was your favorite toy as a child? bear
19. Autumn or spring? I like 'em both
20. Hugs or kisses? both
21. Cherry or blueberry? cherry
22. Living arrangements? I live with my husband and our dog in my mother-in-law's house along with her other worthless son who comes by once in a while to shower or raid the pantry. But at the end of this month, we're MOVING!
23. Last time you cried? Last week.
24. What is on the floor of your closet? What isn't on the floor of my closet?
25. Who is the friend you’ve had the longest? Jenny and Steph.
26. Favorite smell? My husband fresh out of the shower, freshly dryed clothes, ivory soap.
27. Who or what inspires you? my friends and family inspire me daily.
28. What are you afraid of? Nothing... I try to be fearless.
29. Hamburgers? From where?
30. Favorite car? I like my Betsy. (sunfire, blue)
31. Number of keys on your key ring? 9
32. How many years at your current job? 2 years
33. Favorite day of the week? Payday, of course!
34. How many countries have you lived in? Only the US, but I want to travel once we kick our hypothetical children out of the house, and I get my Mini Cooper.
35. Dream job? Being paid to read.


*As a little side note: To all of you who are observant, I changed the name of my blog from "Miss Informed" to "Make it Snappy!" so it would be a little more fitting of my personality. I'm impatient as hell. While "Miss Informed" was quite quirky, "Make it Snappy!" just fits better. So don't worry; it's still me in here!