Friday's Pick

This Friday's pick is "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell," by Tucker Max. What can I say? This book was the funniest thing I've read in a long time. I was literally crying from laughing so hard. This guy is a complete asshole, a belligerent drunk and a womanizer. But most of all, he's too damn funny! His short stories are almost unbelievable. He says they are all true, and even though some are slightly doubtful, after reading the rest you can almost be sure he can't make this stuff up. Tucker got his undergrad at the University of Chicago and then went to Duke Law School for his J.D. When asked why he is a writer, not a lawyer, he responds that he doesn't hate his life enough to be an attorney. Along with Tucker are some friends: PWJ, El Bingeroso, SlingBlade, Hate, Credit and many more. This guy has been characterized as a cult icon. His book is the male form of chick lit. I highly recommend going out and buying this book. You won't be disappointed.

This from the introduction:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world.

* Go on and read it. You know you want to.

How to manage turning over new leaves

"Practice makes perfect. Be careful what you practice." -- Venita from Cupcake Brown's book, "A Piece of Cake: A Memoir."


I am 25. A quarter of a century old. And yet, I can't make it to work on time (or anywhere near on-time some days), I blow things off, I sit and am lazy, I get in "funks" far more often, I let the laundry pile up, I don't pride myself in the things I used to, I don't eat meals regularly, I say I'm gonna quit something I should and don't, I say I'm gonna start doing something and don't. I am 25. I think it's about time I get my life together. Don't you?

Here are a few things I want to accomplish:
*Getting to bed before midnight. I stay up late reading EVERY night.
*Having a set schedule. I am a notorious procrastinator.
*Getting to work ON TIME. EVERYDAY. I really, really need to work on this one.
*Set aside certain days and times to do certain things around the house. That way I won't feel overwhelmed.
*Keep ALL promises, regardless of ANYTHING. I'm not a habitual liar or anything, but sometimes I blow things off due to moods, lack of interest, or laziness.
*Eat 3 meals a day. NO JUNK! Cookies for breakfast is not breakfast!
*Stop smoking. I know I will before we have a kid, but the weezing is just not attractive.
*Start taking walks. With or without the dog. With or without Ma Dukes.
*Be my own cheerleader. If I don't, who else will?
*Stop biting my nails. This one will be very hard!
*Work on some minor communication issues in my marriage.
*Learn to RELAX. And do it often.
*Don't sweat the small stuff.
*Be a better time manager.
*Get a better handle on my finances.
*I used to LOVE to cook. Refind that love and cook gloriously.
*Get out of my comfort zone.
*Try new things.
*Don't alienate the people that love me in my life. Depression will not get the best of me. I need people.
*Know that it's okay to cry sometimes, if for no reason at all. We all need a good cry every now and then.
*Don't nag the Hubbs so much. I know he's had a long day too, and I know he doesn't want to come home to that crap. (this one may be slightly hard. i have certain husband expectations. I swear if that trash is not out of my garage by the weekend, I'm gonna blow my top!)


Wow, this list is long! But, just like Weight Watchers makes you accountable for what you eat, I need to make myself accountable for my life. Yesterday? I only ate lunch. I had Pizza Hut take out. For dinner? I had a handful of popcorn and some chocolate ice cream. Very Nutritious! Also? I've been coming in to work at around 9:30am. I'm supposed to be here at 8. No wonder my paycheck isn't what I think it should be. Look at the time I'm missing! I've been getting a little (read: ALOT) out of hand lately. I'm not a morning person AT.ALL. I have no clue how to transform myself into one. I don't drink coffee. I'm always in a rush everywhere I go. I'm not sleeping well at night, nor am I getting enough sleep. I still have no energy (and I just realized that with all the non-carbs I'm eating, this maybe why). As much Mt. Dew as I've been drinking, I don't know why I don't just insert an IV, as it would be easier. I've just been down in the dumps lately. BLah. So, I'm going to try (keyword) to be the best ME I can be. School is about to start back and I need to gear up for that.

Starting tonight, I am going home to cook dinner. I will fold up the 3 day old clothes still in the dryer. I will wash one more load of clothes, lest I go pantless to work tomorrow. I will go to my parents house (they just got back from vacation with goodies!). I will only allow myself to read until 9:30. Then I will go to bed. I will try not to nag. I will try to be happy and cheerful. I have had 2 cookies (that are kinda stale) for breakfast, but I will go get a healthy lunch. I will make muffins for breakfast tomorrow. I will plan next weeks meals and chore schedule. I will sit down and review our budget. I will turn the dirt over in my flowerbed so that I can plant. I will wash my car. I will wipe the walls down in the house, so when we go get paint, we don't have to do it. I will vaccuum out my car. I will put the Christmas decorations up, instead of leaving them in the middle of the garage. I will clean out the fridge and stop buying stuff at the grocery store that I know we won't eat (or eat in a timely fashion). I will pick a paint color for the guest bathroom. I will spend more time when I get home trying to engage my husband in conversation (he gets home and doesn't move from the T.V.; I get home and don't move from my book. see the problem?) I will be less or not at all judgemental (this one is going to be really hard too. I'm not a bad person; I'm just opinionated.) I will be more encouraging of myself AND of others. I will vow less to lose weight, and vow more to be healthier.

That list is a little long too! I will absolutely try, put my heart and soul, no more excuses, today! I will go get a healthy, non-burger and fries lunch. I will also try to figure out what this smell on my shirt is. I know it's clean, but when I opened our closet this morning, something smelled a little off. When I get home, I'm going to do some investigating! Wish me luck!


"Making mistakes simply means you are learning faster." - Weston H. Agor